Friday, August 18, 2017

my very last.

it takes me totally four years to get over you. like 100% i no longer have interest even to think how good you are doing right now. my heart really become lighter, because i work so hard to fill all those rooms with other things, other persons, other joys and tears whom really worth it. 

you used to worth it. for me. but not anymore. finally. i never thought that i could feel like this. at ease. on my own. i just dont give a damn anymore. it feels like my delete button that has been stucked all this years finally running smooth without i realize it. 

nope. i dont want you in my life anymore. pretty sure about that. all of your memories, yes, i dont keep it in my mind. no longer. it just vanish away. because you are my past. past it past. and life would not dragged backward. it loosen the ties, which i dont know why i keep holding on it in pain. and yeah, i let it go. somewhere else higher to the sky, no longer meant to be for me. 

this is the best feeling ever. knowing that i am finally, moving on from you, whom really got over me in a blink of eyes. like split second. though i feel dumber because it seems that it took me like split years to do it whole-heartedly.


thanks god.
i deserve better.

and i know i need to love myself more than everyone could love me. that is the most important thing, cause i only live once. we all do.

yeahhh. not anymore. and here i dedicate, virgoun- surat cinta untuk starla, for all of you out there who think that love does not exist or tired of it.. please dont. your heart is really big that it can be filled with so many kinds of love and you know what, one fine day i believe that we will found that someone who really, really appreciate our beings. 

till then, i am enjoying my life so much. with great smiles, happinesses, tears, disappointments, frustrations, imperfections and loves. 

it is from the deepest of my heart.


we all should. 
it is magical.

ps. 18082013 - 18082017 (oh my god i really dont realize that it is exactly four years. what a life phase. now i really can smile and feel grateful for having this heart. good job, girl. you did it. go, live well. like how you asked from god all this while.)

Thursday, August 10, 2017


lately i have been so stressed because there is too much things to handle with too much incidents happen. i feel so exhausted to cope with life. to the extend that i am telling yoe to go to island with our other cousins but we know that our parents would not let us 😂 

so he just asked me to sleep over at his house and then we can act like we are having the impostered campfire with our siblings while watching movie marathon all night long in the weekend. some sort of escapism i could say, cousins'-no-need-budget-type-of-escapism.

and last night, in chaos i needed to take over mama's cook, just at the right time the cooking gas was up to zero so she needed to cook using the rice cooker, i just got lost in everything to the scale that i asked Laa how to deal with this cooking, it was too sweet i just overpoured some sugar. 

then Laa laughed at me and said, just added up the salt. and i was like whaaaaat. what was happening to me that i could not thinking straight? fuhhh.

i just cant wait for the weekend. i really am. i need to talk to myself and fit in the situations. *sigh