bintang

maybe i just should go back to kedah and live well there. hahaha. tak boleh lah duduk rumah jadi suri rumah tangga main dengan kucing keluar sekali sekala dengan kawan dan begitulah setiap hari. i need to be busy. i have to. or else i will go crazy in no time. because i keep thinking of unncessary stupid little things that never fail wandering around my mind.

HEY STOP OPENING THE MEMORIES! SHUT IT DOWN.

god, what a life.

(smile) (because i still breath and everyone loves me) (just pretend that 'everyone')

* * * * * *

np; inspirasi // hafiz ft faizal tahir (yes, it is me singing for myself)

INSPIRASI TETAP TEGUH BERDIRI

DALAM GELAP KAU TETAP MENYINARI

HANYA SATU PERSONA TIADA GANTI

ENGKAU BINTANG KAU TETAP MENYINARI

OH ENGKAU BINTANG KAU TETAP MENYINARI

(i am my own knight in shining armour)

yes so do you. kita semua adalah bintang dalam hidup masing-masing.
jadi bintang okay? bintang...

bintang. :)

midnight thoughts

i was, once, a loyal dreamer. i thought i could achieve whatever i dreamt of like 1 2 3 vavavommmm yeayyy i made it after all yeayyyyy, and that was totally a complete fairytales story in books i had read.

life started to get tough when i reached sixteen, when i force myself to cope with all those nonsense matters back then. it was hard than i could ever imagine. i didnt even dream that i could go through all the upside-down because i thought i was going to be crazy.

i started to dream less. i told myself, nothing was going to become smooth. i struggled, but i still failed. then i tried again, still, nothing ever happened. but i kept myself going because god gave me people that always pushed me up whenever i stumbled and fell hard.

i didnt even dare to dream of anything. i only had my courage to stick on being a person who could study languages in university. even that one and only dream i couldnt make it real. (and now i am reading law? crying even harder)

i stopped believing in dream because it hurted even more when i couldnt make it for somewhat reason called as destiny. i just bend in myself the running flows. i kept telling myself,


"times heal"

"everythings gonna be fine"

"big girl dont cry"

"make it. fake it"


those were my comfort words so i could comfort myself everytime i gave up on situation. it seemed that i never got what i asked for and that made me always questioning why whyy whyyy?

i dwelled.
i was afraid.

*moment of silence*

but, looking back to the previous crawling, walking and running i made in order to survive on rocky road of mine (which still is),

i thought i knew my life better.
and i didnt realize..

god knew best.

ps; maybe five years ahead when i look back to the situation that i need to survive NOW, i think i will burst out laughters for all these unnecessary tears that rolling down for all these stupid little things.

i am not a fairytale dreamer any longer. i want to be a realistic dreamer. that suits my life better.

for now, i will bear in mind that time heals. be it three, five or seven years more... i know times will heal. until that, i will try hard to not keep my head over heels.

overcoming problems and surviving life like a lady! (thats my girl. *pat on my own shoulder*) (try not to cry) (sleep) (good girl) (positive) (embrace life) (yeayyy)