i dont realize that i am traumatized. those silly things keep haunting me like forever. i want to start a new life, but everytime i am trying to, all the past moments keep flashing back and spread into my head.
then i am scared.
for moments like that could reappear even not with the same person. i am done of being hurted. even the only thing left is the scar, it still hurts.
no, it doesnt hurt because i cannot move on. it only hurts because all the promises break down and the feeling of being dumped away, no, not being dumped but merely being easily forgot.... is a nightmare.
you know you dont love anyone more when you no longer care. no, i dont love you nor like you. i dont hate you either.
but like a ghost who lost her soul, she will always wandering around the earth while wonder, how could you be just fine?
you owe me that explanation all this while. then, i am done.
it is kind of an unanswerable question.
but god, why?
why this is unfair.
you heal the other side's but not mine?
do i also have the right live with a beautiful daydream? and to start a new chapter in life?
but it feels that i couldnt bear the fear that already grow for years. i am trying hard to rip it off but.... yeah.
now tell me, what should i do to live without fear of being scattered like you? c'mon. dont you think i deserve to bump into the other rainbows after living under this hurricane?