tidoq ja!

rindu.

rindu sangat-sangat. tapi, tahan je. tahan. sebab aku yakin, tuhan yang bolak-balikkan hati. macam mana sakit pun, macam mana pedih pun, macam mana rindu pun.. biar. aku dah malas nak ambil peduli. sebab kalau dilayan, makin gila! ya, semua ini gila. berjuta kali dah aku sebenarnya berharap dalam hati, alangkah bagusnya kalau semua ini tak terjadi.

itulah, bodoh sangat siapa suruh, kan seksa sampai bertahun-tahun. sakit, sakit sangat. tapi aku yakin semua ini akan hilang juga suatu hari nanti.

be it three years more, five, seven, or ten.. at the end, this stupid stuff will come at its end. until then, i will just live in the moment. maybe i become like this because i have no one to share my story with since then. plus, i seldomly have time to write, write and keep on writing what i feel neither jotting down the paper nor online. and somehow my heart will burst out ridiculous stuffs and matters!

i am sick for that.
i am so pissed off.
by myself.

i hate myself for staying like this but i could not, because thank you, for being strong enough until now. (proudly tepuk bahu sendiri) (rasa nak menangis balik) (ENOUGH. ENOUGH)


*pasang lagu sayang//faizaltahir*

sayang
tidur saja sayang
lupakan saja yang semalam 
tidurlah mimpi indah


tak tahu lah kenapa sejak kebelakangan ini, makin menjadi-jadi tidur aku! sejenis yang tiap kali pejam je tidur. rasa macam tak mampu dikawal hahaha. dimana sahaja, bila-bila. tengah rehat, pejam. letak kepala atas meja, pejam. baring atas lantai dalam bilik jkps/aktivti, pejam. tengah tunggu nak makan, pejam. haritu, tengah tunggu nak naik bot nak rafting pun sempat pejam.

tak tahulah. ibaratnya tidur dah jadi sejenis escapism selain baca tulis? hahaha what a life. kesian.

boy, nef dengan budak-budak ni asyik aim aku masa camping kat sungai sedim haritu, "hang ni bila ja yang tak tidoq?" (sambil geleng kepala)

AWATTT? aku tak kacau orang pun. haha. eyyyy.

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aku penat.

serious talk, penat.

(okay aku nak pi tidoq. sebab dengan tidoq, walaupun amnesia sekejap, dah cukup)


i thought that i would have you forever
i thought that i could talk to you until midnight
i thought that i could count on you and ask you to go nowhere
i thought that you will stay
i thought you will buy me a lot of ice creams
i thought you will never actually leave me
i thought you will never let me live without you
i thought i hate you.